It’s 9:30 am, and already I am having a crappy day, I am returning to weight watchers this morning, which will be so nice, I’ve missed being judged but I’m going anyway, glutton for (bread and butter) punishment that I am, I’m still going back!
My new enamel kettle was boiled to death this morning, I am an old fogey and I have a kettle you put on the gas stove, and my lovely cream enamel one is now all horrible from boiling with nothing in it, while I didn’t notice the smell!
Baby isn’t well, think it’s a general, teething, immune system thing, has been really really clingy last week or so, then yesterday for three hours non stop he cried, nothing I did could console him, even neurofen didn’t work, he hadn’t a temperature, just bad form. Today he has crusty eyes, all yellow and gooey! So it’s cleaning those with cooled boiled watter constantly now! His illness hasn’t affected him too much he pulled down my venetian blind in the sitting room yesterday!
So this morning I am not feeling too great, now usually Tuesday is my Poosday, but today is Wednesday, I am heading to Dundrum to buy 5 birthday presents when my daughter is finished in Montessori, kids each have two parties on Saturday!!!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel, my BF is coming over tonight, but by the time he gets here,and the kids have been dispatched it’s gonna be snuggle on the sofa before falling into a coma like sleep!
Speaking of sleep it’s not really happening for me at the moment, apart from a narky ill baby my daughter 4 hasn’t been settled, it’s my fault, partly, last week my ex and I had a row, a really bad one, and the kids were in the house heard it all, now we have managed not to do this, and I won’t go into details here, and please don’t lecture me, I couldn’t feel any worse than I do. So my son is older, he can rationalise his fears and talk to me about how he felt and what it was like, my daughter is very literate but only four, so it’s harder for her, so she has been having broken sleep, literally waking to make sure I am still there!
But on Friday morning I was dropping her into Montessori and the teacher asked to speak to me, now I know my separation has been the talk of the school, and as a catholic cross wearing fanatic who teaches the children prayers (regardless of their faith, or lack there of) she does not approve of me! This was made very clear on Friday, she told me how my daughter was acting, and things she had been saying in the last week (never mind that for the last 6 months she was fine) so I thanked her for her concern and said I was aware of what was going on and that I was sure it was a reaction to this one off event, she seemed unconvinced, asked me was I seeing someone, laughing that my daughter had mentioned a boyfriend, and when I said yes (holding in the what the fuck business is it of yours!) She actually put her hand on my shoulder and said, “I know it’s hard but you must think of your children”!
So this morning while trying to get organised, eldest boy had been dispatched to school, feeding baby and daughter eating her toast while making a card for her ill nanny, my daughter says, “teacher says you have to come and hear me read”, grand, I say, no problem, “all the other mummies bring their children to school everyday so they have read for their mummies”, see my friend and I alternate, she brings the kids I collect them, but I’m a bad mummy, cos of that! Now everyday I see her teacher daily at pick up and she has said nothing to me about this, so I don’t know what the story is, my daughter isn’t neglected, I do a good job, as good a job as I did before I was single! Maybe better cos I’m aware the buck stops here?
I just want to stick it to her, I am defensive, yes but I am also being realistic, I don’t think I can do things better, apart from not fighting with my ex, which just isn’t gonna happen again, the emotional cost to all of us is just too much. If I was a normal working mother I’d be dropping my daughter in a creche at 7/8am and not picking her up till 6? I spend 21 hours a day caring for her, except for those 3 hours she is in Montessori, when I still have a baby to mind so it’s not like I’m off getting a massage or anything, in fact baby is so clingy I can’t even go to the gym anymore, he freaks out!
Sorry, feeling ranty today…ranty and ratty! Baby won’t stop crying or leave me alone………