Jesus, I can’t get away from weddings and marriage today can I? I had the unpleasant task of rooting out my wedding ring tonight, I took it off the day my husband left home, I wrapped it up and put it away, not with my other jewellery but in a box with some other stuff he gave me over the years, also poems he wrote, cards etc. I suppose in years to come these things will bring me great comfort and joy? Or at least the kids will have them. So I took out the little silk bag it was wrapped in, just feeling the familiar shape through the fabric caused tears to well in my eyes, I know it’s silly, it’s just a ring, and I never really liked it too much to tell the truth, see it was a replacement ring, I lost my original one, a silver Celtic thick band, so for my husbands 30Th birthday I bought us solid gold bands, and I never liked the way the thinner gold band looked on my hand, but it’s what that ring symbolises, what it meant to me when I was married and the message it sent out to the rest of the world.
I needed to find the ring for tomorrow, for my appointment in the Gynae clinic in Holles Street, because apparently my personal circumstances are taken into account when they decide whether or not to do a tubal ligation. So for one day only I will be wearing that ring and pretending to be happily married…. bizarre! I am a 35 year old woman, I have spent more than the last ten years having babies and I have decided I want to do other things with my life, why can’t I make that decision and just be treated like an adult?
So my two older kids have been dispatched to their granny’s tonight (my daughter has chicken pox btw, so my mother is risking shingles so I can go to the appointment….that’s how much she wants me to get my tubes tied, she also has volunteered to pay for operation privately if the waiting list is too long) my little man is asleep in his cot and I am feeling a little mealoncoly. I am taking steps to change my life (for the better I feel) I am insuring that I don’t have anymore children, that will insure that my existing kids are well taken care of (anymore and I would wind up in John of Gods), I want to study, have a career, have a life “afterchildren”. But I am sure I will have moments of regret, when I long for that excitement, the first flutter of life, the scan, the bump when it can’t be hidden anymore, the movements that move your whole belly and then the wonder of birth (I actually really enjoyed that bit the last two times) and then that little unique person, growing and changing every single day.
So off to my léaba, I know I won’t sleep too well, the ring on my locker, taunting me…”You are gonna lie tomorrow!”
Yes, Yes I am!