Burlesque Klutz!

So the Video is OK Go, Here it goes again……

So another depressing (depressed?) post , sorry Shan if you are gonna have to get your “filth” elsewhere from now on, I have officially lost my MOJO! I went to the first of my burlesque classes last night I have been looking forward to it for ages, my friend had agreed to do it with me, probably against her better judgement! I have been enjoying being a voyeur and enjoying burlesque recently, so the idea of a burlesque class appealed to me, I suppose I thought it would be fun, sexy even?

Sadly I am not in a sexy place at the moment, having only just stopped the pill after three months I suppose that has had a hand in it, but it is more than that. I hate to say this, I hate to say it out loud anyway, but I have become passive, much more passive than I have been in the past, I have discarded my sex accessories, my drawer is practically untouched, even when I am alone it seems wrong to give one of my vibrating friends an outing! My sexy underwear is only put on to be taken off really quickly, I don’t feel that sexual confidence I once enjoyed. I have a new red and black sexy thing, it’s been in the drawer for a month now! I It’s my self worth I suppose, rationally I know my partner finds me attractive, I know he enjoys our sex life, I know he likes it when I am more confident but I just feel all shaky! When I weighed 2 stone more and I had more wobbly bits I was confident to the point of cheeky, now, well now I am different.

So burlesque class, I hoped it would help me reconnect with the sexual, sensual person inside the down trodden housewife ! Of course I was the largest girl in the room, actually all the rest were girls, I was the only lady! I have no co ordination, it’s always been an issue, I won’t dance without at least a bottle of wine in my tummy, I even walk better in heels when tipsy, so sober and tired after a day minding the kids I tried to walk in heels, just tiny steps in a straight line, quickly I discovered that just walking for me is difficult, like really really difficult, never mind having to move my hands and legs at the same time, and be sexy, have attitude! I just couldn’t do it, I just felt old and unsexy, uncoordinated and over the hill!

Now I will go back next week, it’s military Burlesque, using a riding crop, sounds great but you have to dance with the riding crop….I mean I am so bad I can’t do the pelvic thrust thing, I certainly can’t wind my ass down to the ground????  all that and remember to suck in your stomach (just in case I need to remind you I have a stomach for each of the babies! Now some of the girls had little pot bellies, but they all had stomach muscles….my tummy muscles have all left the building)

So I left the class asap, and I burst into tears, I kicked myself for trying something new, for trying to keep some of that old Midge alive, for wanting more than just nappies and calpol!

Time for bedtime stories, Night!

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4 thoughts on “Burlesque Klutz!

  1. This is really concerning news.

    Shan is very unhappy now.

    Vibrating friends have not made an appearance WTF.

    In relation to the sexy gear not coming out we need to organise a slumber glamour shoot party.

    No MOJO…..

    Bollox to that.

    /me slaps Midge’s face and tells her to stop with this nonsense.

  2. Midge, if you were looking at it from my angle you’d see that we were all shite and I think you were over conscious of yourself, but once you go down that road there’s no going back. I’m hoping the whip fantasies will get you back in action. I’ll offer up my backside for you pleasure on the night.

    And I’ll take back that aul-wan of the night title thank you.

  3. Jesus Guys,
    I can’t sleep, it’s two am, there is a song going through my head I give up pretending to sleep and get up to look for the video on You Tube, decide to check out my blog….WTF?

    Mr Shan,
    I have to challenge you to a duel (or soemthing) now that you have slapped my face, but as I am a pacifist I suggest we just let our two babies fight it out…in the “cage of doom” or the bouncy castle, ladies choice!
    As for the mojo it is still missing in action, but after some gentle (not) convincing from my gentleman caller I will be giving some of my accesories an outing, I am terrified….I know totally fucked up! As for your Glamour shoot….Oh I can just imagine you in a rubber thong! Jesus, that image is gonna be burned onto my brain, where is the vodka when you need it!!

    Milan,
    As much as I appreciate your offer of your pert little backside, I will decline, I am sure Sharon has some insurance clause that excludes any actual whipping!
    I actually practised in front of the mirror tonight, in the black and red sexy thing mentioned above…I’ll admit I wasn’t too awful, but I was the aul wan, you might be older than me in earth years but in parent years I am actually 65….seriously!

    I’m looking forward to next week, I just hope I don’t coem down with some terrible flu or mysterious illness….
    midge x

  4. Doesn’t Mojo come and go all the time? It’ll be back, it’s probably just all that pill stuff and the stresses with your Mam etc. Midge.
    (My friend dragged me to a salsa class in my gym, I have zero co-ordiantion, I’ve never been back…..)

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