So the Video is OK Go, Here it goes again……
So another depressing (depressed?) post , sorry Shan if you are gonna have to get your “filth” elsewhere from now on, I have officially lost my MOJO! I went to the first of my burlesque classes last night I have been looking forward to it for ages, my friend had agreed to do it with me, probably against her better judgement! I have been enjoying being a voyeur and enjoying burlesque recently, so the idea of a burlesque class appealed to me, I suppose I thought it would be fun, sexy even?
Sadly I am not in a sexy place at the moment, having only just stopped the pill after three months I suppose that has had a hand in it, but it is more than that. I hate to say this, I hate to say it out loud anyway, but I have become passive, much more passive than I have been in the past, I have discarded my sex accessories, my drawer is practically untouched, even when I am alone it seems wrong to give one of my vibrating friends an outing! My sexy underwear is only put on to be taken off really quickly, I don’t feel that sexual confidence I once enjoyed. I have a new red and black sexy thing, it’s been in the drawer for a month now! I It’s my self worth I suppose, rationally I know my partner finds me attractive, I know he enjoys our sex life, I know he likes it when I am more confident but I just feel all shaky! When I weighed 2 stone more and I had more wobbly bits I was confident to the point of cheeky, now, well now I am different.
So burlesque class, I hoped it would help me reconnect with the sexual, sensual person inside the down trodden housewife ! Of course I was the largest girl in the room, actually all the rest were girls, I was the only lady! I have no co ordination, it’s always been an issue, I won’t dance without at least a bottle of wine in my tummy, I even walk better in heels when tipsy, so sober and tired after a day minding the kids I tried to walk in heels, just tiny steps in a straight line, quickly I discovered that just walking for me is difficult, like really really difficult, never mind having to move my hands and legs at the same time, and be sexy, have attitude! I just couldn’t do it, I just felt old and unsexy, uncoordinated and over the hill!
Now I will go back next week, it’s military Burlesque, using a riding crop, sounds great but you have to dance with the riding crop….I mean I am so bad I can’t do the pelvic thrust thing, I certainly can’t wind my ass down to the ground???? all that and remember to suck in your stomach (just in case I need to remind you I have a stomach for each of the babies! Now some of the girls had little pot bellies, but they all had stomach muscles….my tummy muscles have all left the building)
So I left the class asap, and I burst into tears, I kicked myself for trying something new, for trying to keep some of that old Midge alive, for wanting more than just nappies and calpol!
Time for bedtime stories, Night!