Am I alone?

Ok, it’s ten minutes to five on a Tuesday afternoon, looks like I have a few minutes to try to write down a few of the things that are going on in my head right now….

Here goes… But first a cute piccy of the newest love of my life…..DSC00334

Firstly, I’m thinking about joining second life, creating some kind of cyber me that I can transport all the best bits of me and my life onto and then just for an hour or so forget all the horrible bits, I’ve never understood why people did it before now, but now I can totally get it, ok, so now I’m obviously going mad right?

Secondly, I think stay at home mums are the loneliest people on the planet, Monday I meet a friend and she’s in awful form, toddler smearing poo on the walls, five year old not letting her out of his sight, baby on antibiotics, husband oblivious to the strain she is under. I try to cheer her up with a joke or two, a cup of tea and a cake or two. Tuesday roles are reversed and she is the one talking me down from the ledge.  We are all the same? I respect all the mothers I know, the working mums and the stay at home, but definitely staying at home is lonelier, when working I could talk to the other mums about missing our kids and the stress involved – not so at home.

I love my partner, he is an amazing man, but sometimes it feels like we are speaking different languages.  His scientific nature is so opposed to my airy fairy emotional way of dealing with things.

Thirdly, I wish I could get rid of the bad things from the past, my partners ex- wife or WW as I call her (ding dong the witch is dead) he even has a bell tolling for her ring tone, when she calls, as she does often, or when she texts, my heart drops, it’s always bad, there is always emotional upset to follow when she is involved.

Lastly, I should blog more, I am so isolated and lonely a lot of the time I don’t express it, to anyone other than my poor partner or closest friends. Two years ago I started this blog to help me adjust to being a mum to three, now I am a mum to four, separated, in a new relationship, coping with my blokes crazy ex…. I have more reason than ever to blog!

I have been getting away though, my ex and I have come to an arrangement where one Friday a month he doesn’t take the kids and in exchange one weekend a month he takes them on a Friday and Saturday which means my partner our baby Oscar and I get to go away for the weekend once a month, we’ve been to Waterford,visited the much loved Hook lighthouse. Two weeks ago we visited Limerick, the Absolute Hotel in Henry’s Mall was amazing, food not too great but the rooms were spacious and modern, amazing shower. We started the day at Oscars whim, 6.30 in the morning, we did all of the Burren, Cliffs of Moher and Alliwee cave, it was so lovely, relaxed, just our little family unit. Our July stop is the Twelve hotel in Bearna in Galway, I can’t wait to visit it, I’ve driven by it several times, it has it’s own bakery! It’s lovely for me, I like visiting all the lovely bits of Ireland, I’ve seen it all before but my parner hasn’t so he and I get to experience it together, with our little offspring!

Anyway, very disconnected post, baby awake now (actually jusr did a huge baby fart…well I hope it was a fart!).  Have to rescue two year old off climbing frame…again!


4 thoughts on “Am I alone?

  1. I feel isolated too, for entirely different reasons to yours. And even though I can’t imagine your experiences, I do send you all my very best thoughts and wishes. Hang in there. It may all seem impossible, but you come across as such a gusty lady. And those little breaks away sound inspired.

  2. Ah Costal, you are a sweetie, and looking at your lovely pictures of your home I imagaine you have a lovely life there, isolated by position rather than by career choice! I have to admit that I want to always appear to be gutsy, it’s not always true! It’s eleven pm here and I am baking cup cakes for my kids for school tomorrow….I am totally crazy!

  3. i’m just about to sign up for 3 years of SAHM or WAHM as it’s also called! i’ve applied and will find out hopefully this week. of course it’s easier for me, there’s only one babe, and my husband is really helpful… the ‘alone time’ does suit me, i have hermit tendencies at times…

  4. Well, I hope working at home works for you, the babies are of course worth it, but in the moments of loneliness, Aquinas’s dark night of the soul would find it hard to compete with the struggle. Today for instance my lovely attachment parent neighbour, (Irish but lived in the states for 15 years) called in, my other neighbour had popped in and we were enjoying some of Paula’s carrot cake when she called, so another cup out of the teapot and a slab of cake for her, we were having great fun, for 45 minutes until her eight year old son rang my bell hysterical… he thought she’d disappeared! she comforted him, and said ” did you think I’d left you?” he said yes, she said ( under her breath that she had said that) myself and my other friend reassured her we’d threatened our kids with the same….

    everyone loves their kids, spending years with them is a very wise investment, but it is bloomin hard… and if your friends or family don’t tell you so then they are lying!

    My mum is great, but I always knew she struggled until she returned to work, so now I can confide in her without judgement!

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