I hate Christmas

I have never, ever liked Christmas. Today I had Christmas for my partner and I and our children, which totals six between us, it has been awful, we aren’t talking. I feel like running away,but I’ve had two glasses of wine and I can’t.

Last week speaking to one of the mummy friends I said by hook or by crook I am going away next christmas, it’ll either be my partner and our son, while my other three stay with their dad, or if everything has gone tits up by then I’ll go alone.

I’m so tired of everything being a fight, I fight with my kids, I fight with my ex, I fight with my partner, yesterday I even had a disagreement with my mother over a friend of mine who she described as “lazy”, my friend has three children under the age of five! I really need a break but a break is not forthcoming. I won’t just dump my kids on my current partner and feck off, I could I suppose but I won’t. A side effect of my failed relationship of 17 years has resulted in a deep sense of insecurity and unworthiness.

I suppose the fact that I can recognise these feelings should mean that I can manage them and maybe overcome them but it doesn’t seem to work that way. I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want to be someone who people feel sorry for, but I would like every now and again a little bit of a lift, a hand to lift me over a particularly bad patch, I don’t want to have to ask, I am really bad asking  for help, but I would like a helping hand every now and again.

Anyway, I am a total Scrooge, maybe one day I’ll feel happy and content and Christmas won’t be a terrible anti climax, until then I say Bah Humbug!

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2 thoughts on “I hate Christmas

  1. Christmas is frightful, and stressful. So many expectations and annoyances. I remember when I was little my Mum was so outnumbered that it drove her to distraction, and she had no help either. But eventually we all grew up and most of us went far away, and she is the strongest, cutest, sweetest Mum and lady you could ever meet. …… But, she will not take many phone calls, and will definitely will not partake in any family dramas, ’cause she’s had it with all the nonsense.

    I talk about my Mum because I am not a Mother myself. One thing I remember her trying to do, to give her some peace, was to get us into bed early – even if we just stayed in bed reading.

    I’m sure you know all this, but just stand strong against the drama, and it is ok to put everyone in their respective corners (play on their beds, or in their rooms, make a cubby etc)…. sometimes we all pick at each other because we can, and because they’re there in close quarters, and because we get a reaction.

    Thinking of you, and glad you’re continuing to write.

  2. I love that your mum “has had it with all the nonsense” I hope that’ll be me! You put it perfectly, I feel outnumbered. I think you need a ratio at the most of 2:4 when you are talking about kids, 2:6 (that’s two adult to six children) does not work!

    Once the two younger ones go to bed it’s ok, the ratio is alright again, so last night once they went up we played board games and stuff, a bit more chilled.

    Today was more relaxed, a walk in the park, a good dinner, nice roast potatoes, now a lovely bowl of trifle and a strong cup of tea made with tea leaves!

    Thanks for the support!

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