Magic Moments

I love the Magic Numbers I did once go to Oxygen, the year it looked like it was gonna snow in July, I stood in my winter clothes, my wellies sinking into the mud, swaying in the rain to the Magic numbers, after that I just wanted to go home thaw out and sleep!

They are a great band, for me they were a kind of sound track for a difficult time in my life, things between me and my then husband were bad, I was 33 (the Jesus year) and I had accepted that the relationship we had, me unhappy and punishing myself for it, occasionally punishing him if I could, that was the way our relationship was gonna be forever. I remember listening to my MP3 player on the Luas on the way into work, and I’d always cry when I got to “I see you, you see me” I knew I’d never experience love like that, at 33 it was all gone. I knew I’d never meet someone  who really loved me, I accepted that relationships that are nearly 20 years old get tired and twisted!

But I was wrong, while I was mourning the loss of my love life my then husband was equally unhappy and he was planning his exit stage right!

At 34 with three children, one of whom was only 6 months old I was single for the first time ever in my life….and I was not in the mood for love,  but somehow, strangely I found myself dating after a few months and I did meet someone amazing, someone who did really “see me”, I was terrified a lot of the time, simply because he did “see me”, I told myself (and everyone else) that it was too soon, but i knew if I walked away from something wonderful just because timing was wrong I mightn’t get another chance.

Now we have been together for over two years now, it’s been really difficult at times, we have a baby together now, so that’s six children between us, we rarely get out (once every six months) without some sort of child attached, which is extremely difficult. I am generally a nervous wreck in the evenings when my partner gets in from work, and his job worries him, so often he’ll be thinking about stuff and withdrawn. We are trying, I love him so much more than I thought was possible, initially I had held myself back from him, now I just can’t stop loving him, the more I get to know him the more I love him, even the things that initially bugged me about him are things I adore about him! His singing”voice” for example!

I think my life so far has been an example of how you never know how things are gonna go, luck swinging from one extreme to the other! But I’m still no good at just living in the moment!

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