Happy Christmas! I am sitting here in my sitting room blogging and watching crap music videos! My oldest son is in the office, playing the new Nintendo DS Lite thingy he got for Christmas! My two younger ones are upstairs (don’t think my daughter is asleep yet)! I am drinking a hot whiskey (medicinal) and when I have blogged this I am gonna have a look at my tarot cards and then watch some of the Peep Show DVD I got for Christmas (I actually got series two and three so if anyone needs any ideas for my birthday in April then I’d love series one or four!!! I also got High Fidelity on DVD! So the DVD’s will help get me through the next couple of weeks until the kids go back to school!
So how was your Christmas? Are you stuffed! Did you eat all the (mince) pies? I have a confession to make, not one sweet or chocolate or dessert passed my lips! Now I had the whole roast dinner (4 of my mums sexy roast potatoes) but she burnt the custard so she threw out the trifle, which was the thing I was really, really looking forward to! So in theory I was relatively good today! I have to tell the truth, the dinner did nothing to me, the four roast potatoes were lovely, but the meal wasn’t what it has been in the past!
So today was my first Christmas as a single woman in 17 years! It was definitely different, both from the last single Christmas I had and also the last 16 Christmases. It began at 7:40 this morning, I had warned the kids I just wasn’t getting up before half seven! We four traipsed down stairs, Santa had been, and even though he was very reserved, much more so than in previous years they were happy! Then we opened the few presents under the tree, I had a real surprise my friend’s mother, who I’d exchange cards with had put two hundred and fifty Euro in the card this year (she is devastated at my separation, her daughter and I are friends since we were four). I started to cry, sitting in front of the Christmas tree!
Then my ex arrived, I cooked a full Irish and we began the great gorge that is Christmas, I only had fried egg and black pudding (Rudds black pudding….yummy) Then we swapped presents with the kids, and he spent some time with then as I marinated in a lush bath, then I took my time getting ready, but my dress, although I liked it depressed me a bit, grey lace? Grey isn’t me. Over to my ex in laws (silver lining anyone? -sorry!) Then to my mums for the two hours of hell, uncomfortable silence and eating.
It was in my folks house that the highlight of my Christmas occurred, after dinner we all swapped presents I gave my folks their gifts, Chanel Homme for my dad and Noa for mum. They then produced my gift, “very big and bulky”, I thought to myself, “Oh no, Clothes!” I needn’t have worried it wasn’t clothes, it was bed clothes, a hideous red synthetic fluffy robe in size 22/24 and a flannelet nightdress size 20/22, long sleeves, high neck, hideous floral pattern! Any self respecting granny would have refused to have been buried in it, it’s that bad! I just held it in my hands, looked at it, the tears prickling the back of my eyes, I am only 34 (35 in April) but it’s like now my life is over, my partner has left me, I am no longer a vibrant young woman now I’m a hardened survivor, I don’t think I can be that person, I don’t want to be that person!
I am feeling so low, so tired, so cynical, so disheartened, so lonely, I can’t even bear to call any of my friends, I know they’d be there to talk to me, but I can’t talk, as I write this I am crying, well the tears just won’t stop! I know it’s a bad time of year, I know it’ll get better, I know I’ll be ok next year, but it’s just so hard.
Sorry guys, I suppose I just hope that if I write all this here next year I’ll be able to look at it and say, well at least I’m not that bad this year! Anyway Nollaig Shona Duit!
Oh, as a Post Script I also have the mental age of 61 in the Brain Training thing……..which could be a problem, seeing as I have decided to return to university in 2008!
Midget Wrangler 