Anyway, I so went of the point there,this post was actually supposed to be about kids birthday parties, I know I didn’t really pick an appropriate picture. As a mum to three kids, two of which have their own totally self sufficient social lives I am an expert on birthday parties. At about the time my friends first kids turned one we stopped going to adult birthday parties with booze, music and strippers (just the one party, a long time ago), and now the only party invitations that come in our letterbox have the Fimbles or Spiderman on them. The entertainment usually consists of a rather stressed clown or some poor teenager in a dinosaur costume, the food is either organic and hand made or so full of colours and additives you could see it from space, and the sugar in it means the kids will be climbing the walls for the rest of the weekend. As for beverages, it’s either, “oh, no, we wouldn’t drink at a children’s birthday party (yeah, you just don’t want to be sued of one of the kids falls off the (vomit filled) bouncy castle), or the dump the kids and there’s tequila shots in the kitchen!
I love my weenies but once they reach three their social life explodes, play dates, parties and after school activities, our lives as parents revolve around our kids plans, and I’m sorry but i don’t think it’s right. As a child my life just had to fall in with my parents plans, then once i turned thirteen or so I could have my own plans control over my own social life. But before that I went where my folks did, my brother and i amusing ourselves in the back of the car. I think it taught me a valuable lesson about being bored, that it happens, live with it. Our kids are constantly amused almost from the moment they come out into the world we are dangling bloody mobiles in front of them (not me, did it on number one son, he never slept, the other two have been deprived), then we throw ourselves into running the gauntlet of after school clubs and classes, it’s ridiculous.
It’s because we are time poor, we just throw money at every problem. If we asked our kids would they rather have an hour of our undivided attention or be dropped at baby kung fu for an hour while mummy sits in the car emailing work, or reading the paper I think we all know what they’d prefer.
A friend of mine was talking about his weeny the other day, who’s still a toddler, she’s been in full time (7am to 7pm) childcare since she was six weeks old, he was boasting that she was so social with other kids, that they were so glad they had “socialised” her at such a young age. I bit my tongue, I’m sorry but that is wrong, kids don’t benefit from socialising with other kids until they are about 12 months old, until then they need the undivided attention of at least one adult (doesn’t matter who once they are caring), they shouldn’t have to fight for it with five other kids. Also I worry about kids like this ( it’s an extreme case I know but with mortgages so expensive and commutes so long it’s not unusual) they develop solely around other kids, how does this affect their development, what does this mean for the future, for society in general?
I know loads of people who work and who took serious time out to mind their kids for the first six months then arranged one to one childcare for them, even though it wasn’t the easiest thing to do and it meant that someone else was the primary care giver to their child, witnessing the first step, word and tooth. These women were so giving an brave they did the best for their kiddies, not just throwing money at a problem hoping it’ll go away. The importance of socialisation for two month old babies is something we’ve invented because we can’t afford (or don’t want) to leave work for a year to mind our babies, and the people who talk about the benefits to the newborn are trying to salve their conscience, they know their kid needs one to one car but they can’t bear to think of their baby loving someone else more than them, they know a newborn in a creche won’t bond with the carers more than them. Now denying your child that first experience of love and affection, that’s selfish.
Sorry, mad rant, was meant to be upbeat!
Must be Soapbox Thursday.
Midget Wrangler 