I’m so annoyed. Really, really,really annoyed…..and I’ve put off writing this post for days, as I was shaking with rage on Saturday. As you know I have three weenies, the youngest of which is only three months, now my hubby’s parents are very good and have babysat several times since my son was born, but unfortunately they tend to think babysitting my kids puts me in their debt, and that I’ll let them feed the kids crap, let kids run riot, dress them in the shiny tracksuits they buy them and allow them to disregard my parenting. Now anyone who knows me knows, generally, I’m not a woman to mess with, I don’t suffer fools gladly, I can be incredibly short tempered (as I’ve mentioned before), the hulk has nothing on me!
So on Saturday night my in laws arrived after Dr Who to mind the little ones, now myself and the hubby were done up in our best (we were only going to the local, but hey we don’t get out much)! My mother in law came in said hi (now I actually really like her, I don’t agree with her “sweets for all” motto but she adores the kids, and is a lovely woman), so my little girl says “Nana, I’m toilet trained, but I’ve had a few accidents”, her Nana was delighted and said how great she was, at the same time my father in law piped up from behind me, “you better not do that in school or in public”. So I quelled the anger and said we were being totally positive and ignoring the negative, he blanked me and walked into the sitting room. Repeating my “beer for all”, motto in my head I ignored his rudeness and spoke to my hubby’s mum for a few minutes before joining my hubby and kids and his dad in the front room.
My nine year old was lounging on the sofa, as he does, his pj top up, exposing his (totally flat) tummy. My father in law then said, “cover up that belly, you are getting terribly fat”, (even typing that now I feel so angry!) Now this negativity has happened before, his hair is too long, he’s too loud, his football team lose too many matches, we’ve tried a number of approaches, ignoring it, making light of it, talking to him about it or more recently giving our son permission to take the piss out of Granda, (ie. “look at the state of your hair, it’s awful”, “At least I have hair Grandad!”) So, he said my son was getting fat, I felt the red fog rise, then my son took a look at me for approval and said, “it’s not as big as yours Granda!” I hate my kids to be cheeky, but this man is a bully, did this stop the 61 year old bully? No! He made another comment, my son said it wasn’t nice to laugh at people, his Granada replied that he wasn’t the one laughing, everyone else was! The only people laughing were my in laws!
So wanting to avoid a situation that would involve my fist and his face (see picture above), I made the hurry up face at my hubby, he joined me in the hall where I asked him to send the kids out to say goodnight and have a word with his parents, which he did, as I was kissing the kids I hear raised voices from the sitting room. Now the kids had gone back in to the room, my hubby simply asked his dad not to put the kids down, his father wouldn’t accept he was wrong and started (with the echo of his wife) telling my hubby to “drop it”, now the father in law is practically shouting now, my weenies are crying, I had to step up.
“Please stop shouting, you’re upsetting the kids”, oh no, now he rounded on me, both of them, apparently I should stay out of things that involve my family. So calmly and politely (as the blood boiled in my veins) I asked him to leave, my mother in law is now trying to get my hubby and I to shut up (which was the way things were done in their household as kids, you can tell there were no daughters in the house). To cut a long story short I asked them to leave because they were upsetting the kids. He stormed out the front door, cursing to himself, then stormed back in to get his phone and keys, slammed the door behind him! His wife, shooting dagger looks at me, then followed him. Now my kids witnessed all this, they were crying so I went to comfort them, hubby put his arms around me, then said right I’m going out, back in a minute. Stunned and shaking I picked up the phone to call my mum (always, first person for the good or bad news) she talked (and mmm ed ) me down (she mmm’s when she doesn’t want to say anything bad).
Doorbell rings, hubby forgot his keys, he has a bag of ice in one hand and a litre bottle of Paddy in the other! So when the kids went to bed and I stopped shaking (I’m not good at confrontation) we had a couple of stiff drinks and played 80’s Trivial Pursuit. It was a great night.
Tuesday today, still haven’t heard from the in laws, and I don’t want to. We have discussed it and the bottom like is we’ve both made compromises and let his parents have too much influence over the kids, because we wanted babysitters we knew and trusted, but if we paid someone to mind the kids we’d never tolerate such negative behaviour towards our children. Now I know my father in law has issues (who doesn’t) but he passed a lot of his negativity on to my hubby and we don’t want it passed onto the next generation.
So, anyone know a good babysitter, we are taking control of our family!
Midget Wrangler 
Try http://www.babysitters.ie meant to be good
Thanks anon!
Oh MW I don’t know what to say, that’s pretty awful for all of you. Your son seems old enough to undertsand that Granda is just a grump so that’s something. It is probably necesary to say to them that they can’t say things like that to children, it’s so hurtful and insensitive. But I can imagine how difficult a conversation like that would be. I’m not great with the advice, I have lovely in laws and for most of his life my Dad was a lovely man. I hope you sort it out, it would be a shame to just let it fester but it’s probably best to let it lie for a while.
I have a 15 year old you can have on-loan anytime. Seriously she’s very trustworthy. Just let me know.
MW – When I was reading that – I was jut horrified at how cruel your father in law is, it struck a chord with me because my mother was exactly like that, when I was growing up it always the negatives and never the positives. I was the youngest in the house so thankfully she hasnt impacted on my life greatly but I notice with two of the oldest siblings they are starting to sound exactly like her. ya can’t teach an old dog new tricks – my mom is in her mid 70’s and despite how society has changed so much she is still stuck in her ways and still has a vicious tongue. I get on better with my boyfriends mother than her. Its terrible really but what can you do…the last thing you want is for them to treat your kids like the way they treated their son. Hopefully you will get back to at least talking to each other – think you may have to change the babysitters though. Is their anybody in your neighbourhood like a neighbour you know and Trust who could babysit??Best of luck. hope it works out. Julie
Thanks Julie, I’ll work something out, I have a friend who has an amazing minder, so maybe she’ll babysit for us, Glad you survived your mother….It’s really hard to grow up and not get too messed up. now I’m trying not to mess up my babes!
I originally had no intention of getting involved in this arguement, but seeing my father called a “wanker”, and “cruel” by people who, firstly, are only hearing one side of a story, and secondly, probably don’t even know anything about him apart from what they’ve read here, I felt I had to say something. Yes, my father can be a pain in the ass, he drives me mad on a regular basis, but who here hasn’t been driven mad by their parents? The side you’re not hearing is that this is a man who would do absolutely anything for his children, and especially now his grandchildren. When my brother and I were younger, my father was unemployed for about 10 years. But still, even though we were scraping by, he and my mother would do anything, even if it meant them going without, if it meant we could have something we wanted. Still to this day, he always goes above and beyond the call of duty to do anything for us, no matter how much it may put him out. He’s the kind of person who likes a bit of a joke, which a lot of the time involves him taking the piss out of you. I wonder if I had made the same comment to the little fella, (as I have done jokingly several times before) if there would’ve been the same reaction? It seems to me that there was overreactions on both sides. But I’m not going to get involved in the arguement, and I fully intend to keep my opinions of the event to myself. I just hope it gets sorted out soon, because at the end of the day, the kids are the ones who are going to suffer the most.
Chieftain, removed the comments you didn’t like, this is my blog, my only outlet. I don’t like being censored, so please just don’t read it in future.