Yesterday morning I was feeding the little guy and flicking around the music channels when I saw the new Mika video, “Big Girl”, here’s the link you have to check it out on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcRiXOONqf0 It really, really made my day!
I’m a big girl, I’ve always been big, I’ve never really tried to change it, it’s just me. But over the years I’ve obviously encountered some problems, firstly people think you want to be slim, but actually if i could change one thing about myself, I’d like to be taller, not slimmer. I hate it when people give me diet tips, “Have you tried Weight Watchers?” “What about Atkins?” “My friend found Curves brilliant”. How do i respond to that? “Actually, I like being fat?” Then people assume if you are happy that it’s an act, while obviously I have good days and bad days it’s generally not to do with my weight, I have awful fat days where nothing looks right but if I was a size 6 I’d still have those. In fact I think I look great most of the time, I love pretty things, clothes and jewellery, I like my shoes and make up, I tend to focus on the bits of myself I like, my eyes, my legs and my boobs, so I don’t notice the tummy or bum, try it it works!
Now another issue is I’m a size 18 which is big, but recently skinny has changed from a size 10 to a size 4….so a size twelve is big, I think our brains have already assimilated this shift, while watching another lot of videos recently I saw a Geri Halliwell video, and I thought God she looks fat, she must be a size 10 in the video, but after watching the previous videos where all the women were tiny she looked big! This is a real problem, kids watching videos and reading magazines are gonna be affected even more by this distortion. In the Mika video obviously some of the women are big,big but others are just normal sized, but that’s judged as fat in today’s society!
Now I’m in no way promoting obesity, I think we should all eat healthily (myth number three fat people eat huge amounts of burgers and chocolate and never exercise) I love fruit and veg, fish is my favorite protein, I eat porridge every morning but I definitely drink a bit too much wine and I’m fond of chocolate. But I take responsibility for my health and I try to be responsible and an excellent example to my children, but also I am not ashamed of my body or my size, that would be an awful example to set. I’m beautiful, it’s nothing to do with my size I’m just fab! I know some amazingly beautiful fat women and some not so beautiful, just like I know some gorgeous skinny girls!
Now there has been a huge backlash against the media berating the size zero models and actresses, I think that’s as bad as berating fat people, these girls are naturally thin (now I know some aren’t and this is where the problems start) and they are lucky that being naturally thin has opened doors to them as models (no stranger has never approached me in the supermarket and said, “God you are so fat, you’d be a great spokesperson for my double choc chip ice cream!” ) Why can’t we just celebrate difference in beauty, Skinny, slim, fat ? What’s wrong with that? I know there’s no money in happiness, and that’s the reason, but maybe we could just try to make small changes, accept that beauty comes in many different sized packages and just embrace it.
As my daughters T-Shirt said today “Be cool, Be Happy, have fun”, stop worrying about the bloody bingo wings, or flat chest or wobbly tummy! Love ourselves, we all deserve that!
This is gonna be a two part post I think cos I’m wrecked tonight, but coming soon “If I’m so fecking fat how come you can’t see me?” :-}
Midget Wrangler 
For a lifetime the thin/fat thing has been a bugbear of mine. It’s only since the 20th century that the promotion of excessively skinny people has become the done thing.
Look at the majority of the images in the history of western art and they are all of glorious round, healthy, full-figured women (it was considered a sign of wealth!)
Why the change? Well these days there’s no bottom line (if you’ll pardon the expression) in people being happy with the size/shape/type they are. There is an astonishing amount of money to be had however in diet products, plastic surgery, Weightwatchers classes and everything to make you believe you are too fat, regardless of the size you are.
The push to size 00 has the almighty dollar behind it and the sooner the spell can be broken the sooner everyone will be happier with who they are.
Curvy, feminine women are sexier in my head; apologies to our naturally thin friends, you’re just not my type 🙂
SL and MW you hit the nail on the head, it’s all about money. Money in misery. I’ve never dieted and never would but I’m small anyway. And if I thought any man thought skinny was sexy I wouldn’t be stuffing my bra with chicken fillets all the time!!!
Also I didn’t consider any of the dancers in that video to be big?? They’re only considered big next to anorexics.
Okay, I’m torn here. On one hand, I really agree that we need more acceptance and less judgement, that fat/fatter women should be able to be seen as beautiful too, as are people of any size. Less focus on the external, a wider definition of eroticism, and so on.
I have a confession to make though – you know the Halifax ad with the very large girl belting out soul and dancing down the street? There’s something about her and the whole ad that I find incredibly off putting! I should be delighted a really obese woman has been so positively portrayed, but there’s something about her, the way she moves, and the smug expression on her face that yucks me out! Isn’t that awful?
I’ve felt shit about my weight (and myself, by proxy) for most of my life, even when I didn’t need to. And that’s no good.
But I have to say, I’v3e weighed 14 1/2 stone, I’ve done the weightwatchers thing and got under 11 1/2 stone and the differnece in how I felt about myself wa amazing. Fitness, self confidence, the sheer joy of shopping for size 14, not 18 and being bale to choose what I want, instead of admiring the lovely stuff, sighing, putting it back and heading for the large sizes (ok, for a lot of people size 14 is large, but it’s all relative!).I loved being able to walked fat without getting out of puff, not being so hot all the time, not having sore feet. Being able to discern my actual shape. Sex was better too, much better.
Also, for me, my weight is very beound up with the expereince of having an angry and underrmining father – I think my fat is layers of self protection my brain has decided I need, sadly a counter productive tactic!
So while I totally agree about self love, acceptance, a general end to mad, money-focused body fascism, I wouldn’t knock physical and emotional health and fitness either.
It’s going to be a long long time before I can learn to love my bingo wings, I have to admit.
I saw Gok Wan on 8 Out of 10 Cats, and he was much less inclined to step in on behalf of the unattractive fatties than he is on his own show – you can but wonder…
Now someone Living, that’s a bit sizist:-) while I’m delighted to hear you find large ladies attractive, I’m sure you’d never rule out a relationship with some one smaller.
That’s it ash, it’s all about happiness, everyone no matter what size is affected by doubts, we just need to be more positive. You obviously are so fit and healthy, and a fantastic example to your daughter. You love it, which is wonderful and a great gift to give your kids.
Jo, it’s about inner happiness, if you are happy at 11 stone then that’s what you strive for, I think everyone should be comfortable in their own skin, I was just so delighted to see someone celebrating something that wasn’t a size zero!
Well, absolutely. I definitely find starved bodies sad and scary!
I think you’re right, finding a positive and self-loving place is defnintely the place to start. IT all flows from there.
Exactly, you can spend you entire life in a self hating place, everyone likes you more if you like yourself! And you are fab just the way you are, but that means nothing unless you are happy! I know the bingo wings are crap, but that’s what cardigans are for!
It’s just a sore point – I was hanging out the washing the other day, and something caught the corner of my eye – what? Arg! It was my arm fat! It’s hard to sex up that experience… 🙂